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Friday, March 20, 2015

. . Said The Spider To The Bird



    Tra la la Tra la la -
    While working on my web one day
    In the merry month of May
    I was taken by surprise
. . Hey! Watch out! Ahgg! Run for cover!
    “Hey, you stupid bird brain! Those are my bugs! Quit stealing my food! Oh man, you're poking holes in my web! That's right, buzz off you lousy hummer, I shake my fists at you!”
    God, I hate those flying nitwits, always stealing my food. A spider works hard, spinning all night, waiting all day, just trying to make a living, then a lousy hummingbird comes along and steals everything. He's ruined my home; I’ll have to rebuild. I'll be up all night repairing this one. But I won't give up! I won't let that flying menace stop me . .

    Down and down I go, round and round I go, in a spin, loving the spin I'm in . .There. Look at my beautiful web! Sunlight streaming through, dew drops on the lines - now I can rest and wait. Breakfast is coming, I can feel it!
    Well, well. Look what just swooped in. Yeah, well you're out of luck baby. No bugs around here. You'll have to find your own.
    “What do you mean ‘nice nesting material?’ Are you kidding me?? You want a spider’s web to line your nest? Line it with your own feathers you flippin’ piece of fluff! Hey! This is my home! Don't touch that, no . .” Ahggg! Run for cover!
    That’s right, take everything I own, leave me hanging. Jeez, that was close. Stupid bird almost swept me up in my own web.
    “I’ll get you for this, you frenzied female! You hyperactive hummer! You spider’s enemy number one!”

    Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive . . This time I'm ready, double knotted, double strung, extra sticky, big juicy bugs for bait. Ah - here’s  a hummer now.
    “Oh, would you like a bug? Here's one, and here's one, or how about this one? That's right, help yourself. And don't forget this one!”
    “Oh dear, is it sticky? Is your wing caught? I wouldn't panic. Both wings are caught? You can't get out? You're caught in my web? Time to panic!”
    “Bwah ha ha ha ha!  Take that, you hapless hummer! You helpless hellion! You hideous horror!” Oh wait, he's breaking free, he's getting loose, he's escaped! “That's right, fly away and don't come back!”
    Uh huh - no hummer better mess with this spider! No sir. I'm struttin’ - I’m struttin'.  Anansi has nothin’ on me.
    Spiderman, Spiderman,
    Does whatever a spider can.
    Spins a web, any size,
    Catches thieves just like flies.
    Look out! I am the spider!